Home for the Holidays | Safe Harbors of the Hudson

The holidays are a time to celebrate, reflect and appreciate what we have. This holiday season, the Supportive Housing Network of NY reached out to supportive housing tenants across New York to ask what the holidays meant to them. They received many heartfelt essays and paintings from various organizations. We hope you enjoy these thoughts on the holidays, happiness and life before and after supportive housing. For more stories from tenants at other great organizations in New York, please visit their website http://shnny.org

Below is a selection of stories from tenants here at Safe Harbors.

Regina Bizzell

I missed large family holidays and gatherings growing up due to chronic sickness and then later to drugs. When I got sober, I had my first wake-up call; I realized it was time to go ?home?. To me, ?home? is a place where I feel safe, where I feel at rest, where I can sleep. A place where my family can visit me and feel at ease.

The 1st step towards ?home? was unhealthy but at least I was straight. It was a roof over my head but not home. I was living with four men where all I did was cook and clean for them, endlessly. I am so thankful that my brothers and sisters never gave up on me and my life during this time. However, my blood family was in separate places, literally and otherwise. They were not comfortable coming to visit me where I lived so the only way I was able to see them was in their home, in their environment. This required traveling. During this time, all of my holidays were spent with non-friends and non-family members.

One day, I had another wake-up call; I was literally faced with a pile of ?crap? and I said to myself, ?I can?t do this anymore?. The next day, I filled out an application and that?s when I finally came ?home?; to The Cornerstone Residence.

What?s different now? I?m different now. I am not trying please others or take care of others. Now, I?m doing something for me and taking care of me. I have a place of my own now; my own home. A home where I can invite who I choose and enjoy who I choose.

I am now blessed to have TWO families; my blood family and my Cornerstone family. My Cornerstone family are people who I enjoy and have things with common with. We enjoy the same things and enjoy each other and can depend upon each other; all the things that make up a family.

For the first time in my life, I am able to enjoy not just the holidays, but life with my family. The Cornerstone is close and central and large enough to accommodate all my family. I love being able to host all of my family for lots of family functions as well as invite them to Cornerstone functions. I love being all together with my family. I love eating, laughing, smiling and enjoying my family. I am always thankful we?re all together. I am thankful to have a home and to finally be home.

Billy Ford

When thinking of previous holidays, I realized there were no holidays for me. What were holidays to others was just another day to me, just worrying about getting high ? for 12 long years. I lost my home, my family, my kids during this time.

That 12 years was all about drinkin? and druggin?. I was evicted from where I was living. I felt lonely, desolate, confused, angry, dysfunctional, all the while still drinkin? and druggin?. I didn?t know what to do or where to go.

After applying for welfare and having to wait for 45 days, I ended up at my sister?s house, where they were drinkin? and druggin? too. At least, I knew I could still get high. During those 45 days, I became bitter and aggravated ? I couldn?t do things my way because it wasn?t my house. Everything was out of control and I realized things had to change.

Step one towards that ? welfare kicked in. I got my own place ? a room that was 100% empty but it was mine! Someone gave me a cushion from a couch that I slept on. I was relieved and happy and slept like a baby that first night. I finally had some peace and quiet in my life. I was at peace. I was almost home. This was only my first step toward sobriety and taking back my life. I went into rehab, both in- and out-patient. No one was else was in control of me, only myself.

Finally, I was clean and sober. I moved into the Hotel Newburgh, which later became the Cornerstone Residence. I wanted to get back into my kids? lives. But I had to earn it, both literally and figuratively. For the first time in 12 years, I had some money. For the first time in 12 years, I was able to give my kids Christmas presents. The perfect gift from me was me being clean and sober and the perfect gift from my kids? to me was that they were willing to participate in my life. Holidays took on a new meaning. They were all now spent with my family, hosting each other. I was able to reconnect to them.

Home means responsibility. I have responsibilities ? to myself. The state used to take care of me. Now I take care of me. I feel like a man again. I have certain health issues that I need to take care of. I have to be careful. I take medication for my diabetes and the gout. But The Cornerstone is my prescription for feeling good about myself.

Home means life. Home means family. I feel like a father again, and now I?m a grandfather. My family ? I call them and they?re right there without a second thought. When I?m with my family, I feel like a peacock, full of joy, strutting around so proud of myself. ?It?s a good-ass feeling!?

Judith Wooley

Celebrating the holidays in the past was with family and friends, in large groups. Because I was obligated, because I felt obligated to do?do all the cooking, do all the entertaining, do all the socializing. I felt like I had to be everything to everybody. I was everything to everybody. There was no choice. My personality is more of a solitary nature so I felt like I was going against my nature. I was coerced into being somebody I didn?t want to be. There was a lot of friction as a result.

I have 5 children, two of whom are autistic. I felt abandoned by my children and was at loose ends, especially emotionally. I came here to The Cornerstone because I had nowhere to go.

And yet, I am home. I choose to be here and now, for the first time in years, this is my home! I can shut the door to the outside world. Being a solitary person, I feel at ease. I am most comfortable with myself and feel free to be myself.

I know I can socialize with others when I need it, when I want it, when I choose to, with me in control. When I don?t feel obligated to be there for others, I can be there just for myself. For the first time in my life, I am taking care of myself on my terms.

The Cornerstone has allowed me to grow emotionally, spiritually and enjoy the company of others, when I choose. It helped me to expand my horizons. It?s given me confidence in myself to do anything I want to do; not only for myself but for others as well. The Cornerstone allows me to be who I am and anything else I aspire to be. I intend, I choose to celebrate the holidays alone, with myself, my own best friend.

Source: http://www.safe-harbors.org/2013/01/uncategorized/home-for-the-holidays/

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